From early childhood sexual abuse, to the victim of soul crushing bullying throughout my public school years. I left an abusive, dysfunctional home when I was 13 to pursue my dreams of “happiness”. I applied for financial aid, got my degrees in Computer Science, and thought the money and power that came from leading big projects in and around Washington DC would make me happy. Spoiler alert: It didn’t. I simply spent the next 30+ years numbing out in any way possible (overwork, food, sex, abusive relationships, drink, drugs…). I thought at the time I was livin’ large, but inside I was hollow, miserable, and filled with hatred at everyone, but especially at myself. Until one day while skiing, an unfortunate fall took me out of commission, stopped me dead in my tracks for nearly a year, and forced me to look at who I had become. I didn’t like what I saw, and I began the slow, painful ascent out of the pit I had dug for myself.
During and after the surgeries, my orthopedic surgeon suggested I try Yoga to regain my range of motion. What I found was so much more. From the very first class, when the instructor said “for the next 60 minutes, give yourself permission to put down your to do lists, and give yourself your full love and attention” I felt something that I hadn’t before: the idea that there was something underneath all the striving and doing. I was so fortunate to connect with a Yoga studio where all the teachers were genuine and caring, and I felt welcomed, loved and supported. My judging, hateful mind was met with kindness and compassion. Let’s just say this was brand new, and I liked it! It finally became more important to me to connect to that place of stillness, than to be comfortable or “right”. I attended a Yoga festival in Virginia, (which I am still involved with to this day!) and I sat in my very first meditation class early one morning. I had the most extraordinary spiritual experience, which completely changed how I saw the world, and I have been honing and practicing from that perspective ever since. We are all, most assuredly, part of One Great Spirit/Universe/Energy/Love, and everything is profoundly okay! I left that experience sobbing for hours, muttering one beautiful idea: “It’s all so simple!”
Be sure to ask me about it sometime!
I decided to pursue a career change – I left my Information Technology career and opened my very own restaurant! While the hours were long and the work was hard, I felt like I was becoming someone that was closer to who I wanted to be. But there was so much more to be revealed…
To make a long story short, In 2015 I relocated to a beautiful homestead in western North Carolina with my husband. I found a beautiful little Buddhist sangha, where I connect deeply with others who share a desire to wake up in this life. I deepened my personal practices. I began to attend 12 Step meetings to support me in my recovery. I found a therapist who specialized in trauma recovery. And, after they returned in person after Covid, I finally got my RYT-200 training.
So it’s been a journey. A real adventure. And I am so grateful that, as it continues, I can share all of it with you.
You are never alone.
You can recover the feeling of JOY! If I can do it, so can you.
