Well, after years of dedicated self inquiry, contemplative practice, and sponsoring fellow travelers in 12 step recovery, I continue this beautiful, horrible journey yet deeper into the contemplative, helping, and service occupations. I have enrolled in graduate study. As my sister says: “God willing, and if the crick don’t rise…” I plan to get my license to be in service to individuals and families affected by addiction. I am thrilled, energized, humbled and above all, feel simply like I have finally put enough of the pieces together of a messy, gazillion piece puzzle and the picture is becoming more clear. Another analogy that came into my life recently I also liked: I am standing before an empty auditorium, music before me, engaging in my final practices before I share the music, as it is today, with the house. All the notes of a discordant past, arranged neatly before me on paper, and the excitement and anticipation of the imminent arrival of the audience. Knowing that it will be the best that I have to give, for today, and that the imperfections are what makes it authentic, human. All that practice to create a shared time of music together, because what is anything if it is not shared? In sharing, we lift each other up, and invite others to bring their gifts to the stage. Come and see me, as I am. Let me see you, too. Let’s play music together.
Damn, I feel blessed. Old AND blessed.
Everyone I have shared my grad school plans with has told me of their/someone they know’s ‘advanced age’ when doing this thing or that thing. It is supportive and totally inspiring, and I know I will bring all of me to this graduate work, as I do with everything in my ‘advanced’ stage of life. For me, ‘advanced age’ means I have wrangled many personal demons into friends, or if not friends, perhaps annoying visitors that I no longer feed and they leave pretty quickly. I have a wider perspective and a humbler, kinder heart, tenderized by the battering of many years of being human. And above all, I love to learn because the older I get, the less I am sure I know.
My birthday – 56 – is right around the corner, and I am selecting a catchy jingle for it. ‘55 gonna THRIVE!’ was last year. I am leaning towards:
- 56 pretty fierce
- 56 Nifty chick
- 56 Wintry mix
- 56 Rising phoenix
- 56 simply sits
- 56 sincerely seeks
- 56 rebel just for kicks, now
Just a little bit of silliness, really. Like pixie sticks.
:) jacquie
